Life cannot be planned

We spent the day with Little Miss. She is a tenacious and adorable little girl that we have had our eyes on for a while. The time for Little Miss’ adoption has come to pass and we have been preparing for months to welcome this sweet girl into our forever family.

It was a good day filled with fun and laughter and art and hugs and kisses. I spent the time dreaming of how I would decorate her room and do her hair. Because folks, her hair is just fabulous. Just as wild as she is.

 After a full day, Jimmy and I gave Little Miss a bath and I got the wonderful privilege of rocking that sweet girl wrapped up in a towel. It was truly just so peaceful and special. Then, in the middle of singing a primary song to Little Miss, I got a very firm “No.” in my ear. So firm, in fact, that I was scared to disobey. As I got this shocking answer to a question that I had petitioned the Lord with for several months, I was filled with incredible sorrow. But that sorrow was quickly accompanied by peace. Even though my heart hurts that this is not what Heavenly Father wants for our family right now, I feel comfort in His plan for me. I don’t know what that plan is, but I am okay with that. With such a strong answer to a prayer I know who is in charge. What is difficult in this whole situation is what He wants for her is unknown right now. Unknown to us anyway.

It is difficult to explain this journey we have taken in these past few years. Let me try. I’ll give you a quick rundown starting with the beginning:

- Jimmy and I find out that having more children is a very slim chance

- We cry and get through it

- As a family, we try to decide what’s best for us since we have always wanted lots of kids

- I get an answer in the temple to become foster parents

- We drag our feet for a year

- Start foster care classes and become licensed

- Accept a short term placement and love the very hard work that it is, decide this is for us

- Accept a different set of 4 siblings

- Make it through 4 months of toil

- Decide that maybe a big family is not for us

- Pare down our adoptive goal from 3 to 1

- Happy with the decision to have a little one join us soon

- Get the answer to not take the one
-Cry and pray. A lot.

- Look back and realize the blessings. Look forward to the future.

- Hope for the best

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