Right back on the horse

As if nothing huge in our home happened yesterday- I had to get right back into normal life, right?!

The family that we had set up for the boys seemed such a dream come true. Honestly, they still are a dream come true- kind, compassionate, grounded, loving, fun- everything that one would want for a child. Unfortunately, we received a call today that this family is not taking the boys.

When I received the call, I was shocked. Utterly shocked.
But, I understand. I do not hold them in contempt. I have no hard feelings. I do, however, ache for my boys. I have such a deep rooted pain for the sad turn their journey just took. How in the world will they ever get over this? WILL they ever get over this? If learning this tragic news is not enough- I learned it right between a day at work and a big catering job. Not a job where I could silently weep in the kitchen, either. I was teaching the whole night to 4 couples about making appetizers and such. It was a very detailed and demanding event. Not helping in the mix was the fact that there was alcohol involved and one woman that seemed to have nothing but attitude for me. Upon dragging myself home, I melted in a heap on the couch and just cried.  I feel like I am in a nightmare that I cannot wake from. I am stuck in an abyss of emotions that just keep coming at me like a wall of freezing cold water. I will get through this. We will get through this. But it's going to take a whole heck of a lot to come out alive...

Good news- I am going to the beach house on Monday morning for five days.
You know what they say:

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