Today, I got to make dinner for a family in our ward that just had twins! I was preparing the meal (and of course chose a menu where I bit off more than I could chew- no pun intended; I was in the middle of typing the sentence before I realized it.) with Kate when I reached into the fridge to grab things for the salad. May I make a recommendation? Do not pull a freshly opened Costco sized bag of snap peas out of the fridge by the bottom end of the bag. Mayhem will ensue. I am pretty sure I will step on one lone snap pea I missed during cleanup, tomorrow morning. In the dark. With bare feet. And it will smoosh.
I have learned to expect it, folks.
When the spill happened, Kate and I just laughed and laughed. I'm glad. I hope those silly, crazy, unexpected moments are what my children remember about me. I have been thinking a lot about what legacy I might leave behind. A young mother at Kate's school unexpectedly passed away last weekend. I am still struggling with shock and grief. She was a friend of mine. She worked in the school diligently. She left behind two children. Flashes rush through my mind at every turn:
what if that was me?
what would my daughter do on her wedding day?
the birth of her children?
every Mother's Day for the rest of her life?
As this tragedy happened the day before Mother's Day- there are unopened gifts that were waiting in anticipation. Gifts that had been worked on carefully by two sweet children. I cannot and do not want to imagine what life would be like if our family shared the same fate. But I do know that I have been welcoming the grief I have felt for this friend and her family. Because that is the way I choose to honor her right now. I will not push the sadness I feel deep into a place where it will not be felt. I will feel those feelings because she deserves that of me. I will let myself be upset in front of the kids because I want them to understand it is okay to grieve. It is okay to be sad. Even though my heart aches terribly, I have found solace in my sorrow- because that means my friend meant something to me. She made a difference in my life.
I do know (thank goodness!) that we will see our loved ones after this mortal probation. I have a stalwart testimony of life after death. I know that Heavenly Father keeps us safely in His care. I am so grateful for this knowledge in times like these. It gives me hope. It gives me strength.
Hug your loved ones tight. Love them fully. Live without regret.