So, doing things with one hand tied behind your back isn't hard enough?!

Let's try TWO!

Not only was I nearly crawling today from being so sick, my workload was such that my best was required of me. Dude, I was sitting in a chair just trying to grate a single carrot for a quarter of an hour. That's not Stephanie time. But, I was going to pull it together, gosh darnit! Who cares that I can barely move? To heck with it all that I have numbed taste buds, I can pull together anything by memory! Because the opportunity I have shan't be wasted. And so, amidst my temporary handicap, I soldiered on. That's what soldiers do. However, when power outages roll through at different times during the day, a soldier sits down and sobs. Here I am trying to chop cilantro by candlelight and I just broke. It felt like in half. While I'm blubbering away and smelling like fresh herbs, the towel literally gets thrown in. We packed up my car with my precious food intended for greatness. Jimmy packed the kids in his car and we drove down to finish prep work at the in-laws. WE successfully completed 34 gluten-free, elegant boxed lunches. It took me more than I have in me to finish a task that normally would have taken two hours- tops.
I am used to operating at diminished capacity. Because in my life, there is ALWAYS a wrench thrown in somewhere. I let it roll off my back. No biggie. I got this. But this is everyone, right? There's never a break from life. To be thrown so far out of my comfort zone brings me such frustration! I want to pick up the wrench that messes up my gears and pitch it right back where it came from.
But then I think, "isn't just last week that I flippantly thought in a relief society lesson that trials really do bring us closer to God?!" What the freak is wrong with me?! No more flippantly thinking. None. Next time I should think, "Trials are great for everyone else- but I'm happy here in my happy bubble thinking happy thoughts."
Seriously, I didn't enjoy the going through. But I am writing this from the future (No really, I am. The time stamp states Sunday, but I'm writing on Tuesday. You know, to fulfill that 'write everyday on my blog' new year goal?) And in the future, I am grateful. I am closer to God. He did help me. He did keep His promises. But sometimes in the moment, I wish I could have both my hands.

No comments: