Days like today help me understand why some species eat their young.

I am still getting the cringe worthy feelings deep in my stomach. I hate those feelings... the ones where I think of something I said or did to embarrass myself. I am sure that most people do not remember the stupid things I say or do, but I seem to hone in on the negative things that are part of a great moment. One event I did ran perfectly smooth except for the fact that one guest wanted their meat more well done. It was so embarrassing. All I could think of was that feeling when I thought of that particular event. Otherwise, the clients loved the food, raved about it and gave a hefty tip to show their gratitude. It's so hard for me to think of mistakes I've made without being super hard on myself.

Today I have been uncomfortable with those cringes. Kaitlin has a friend from preschool and swim that came over with her mom for the first time. We have been friends for over three years and I was very excited about their visit. I spent lots of time planning a great lunch and my friend brought a tie dye kit. We had a great time until it was time for them to go home. The girls went outside to play while we talked and shared some great laughs. My friend put her younger daughter in the car as I went to get the girls. They were nowhere to be found. Hmmm... I looked in the trailer behind the house and didn't see them. I looked in the backyard and couldn't find them. In fact, we couldn't find the girls anywhere. My friend was starting to get worried, so I yelled out for Kaitlin with no response. We live on 40 acres in the middle of nowhere. There is no way someone could have taken them. However, my mind wandered there sometimes in the forty minutes we spent thus far looking for them. The neighbor kids were enlisted in the search. I screamed for the girls until I was hoarse and my friend was in near hysterics. How would you feel if you visited somewhere for the first time and lost your child in an expansive wilderness?! We stopped to say a prayer. Jimmy came home to help look. It was getting to the point we were all in tears. When the searching hit 50 minutes, one of the neighbor boys saw our girls. I ran to them very concerned. They were playing hide and seek. I said to Kaitlin in a near yell, "Didn't you hear us calling for you?!" She responded with, "Yes, mom, but we were hiding."

ARGH!!!! Does this child not know when the crazy mommy voice comes out?!?! Because that is what I was using when I was calling out for the girls! Fortunately they're safe.... but I am still cringing. And good luck with my friend ever coming back to visit.