Rules of Mommyhood

I have come to learn with being a mother that there are certain tricks, rules, if you will of nature. I have listed some choice rules in our house below:

• The Rule of the One Messy Room- at no one given time may all rooms within the household be entirely orderly. One room must take the fall... usually mom's room.
• The Rule of the School Aged Child- you will never be able to wake your child early enough to avoid: the morning rush, banshee screaming/yelling, slow eating, lost shoe.
• The Rule of the Toddler- this child must act like a blender with the top removed especially at: the grocery store, the toy store- heck, any store...
• The Rule of the Teenager- anything a parent states must result in rolling of the eyes and a muttering of some sort. In most cases the uttering resembles, "whatever..."
• The Rule of the Laundry- it shall never, ever, ever, ever, ever be done
• The Rule of the Dishes- *see rule of laundry above.
• The Rule of the Potty- no matter how many times a child uses the restroom before an outing, once leaving the threshold of any given residence, will need to use the potty immediately. This rule is usually most in use during car rides when the nearest restroom is either at least an hour's driving distance or filthy beyond all reason.
• The Rule of the Ratio- 50:1 amount of time it takes mom to clean a room to how long it takes to be completely unrecognizable i.e. trashed.
• The Rule of the Food- only the food on mom's plate is desirable, even if it is the exact same food on everyone else's plate.
• The Rule of the Good Book- a child is equipped with ultrasonic hearing in that a page ruffle or spine crack of a good book is heard at distances between 2 and 40 meters from reading site. The child has two choices at that point: make trouble or play shadow.
• The Rule of the Toothpaste- a child may never leave more than 30% of current toothpaste in tube remaining in the tube.