9.09.2009

TP troublemakers


My brother, Tom and his fiance got married a week and half ago and Jimmy and I were able to attend their beautiful wedding. The reception was held at a fine and fancy restaurant. Everything was very tasteful and classy... so much so, that the restaurant prohibited any 'decoration' to the happy couple's form of transportation. Some mischievous groomsmen decided that the rules of the establishment did not apply to them. The sneaky guys had been caught in the act of trying to decorate Tom and Ellen's car and were nearly dragged in by the scruff of their necks. Enter my little brother Jim... Jim had decided that if he was on the black list of this fancy restaurant, as well as nearly all the other men he tried to rope into defacing the wedding getaway car, he had no choice but to turn to the sweet innocent women attending the wedding. that's where Jess (My sister-in-law, Jim's wife) and I come into the picture. Here's how the story goes:
Jim came back defeated from the parking lot and saw Jess and I chit chatting outside. He approached us with a very sneaky look and said, "I see that you ladies are wearing black dresses... hmmm... like ninja/stealth black dresses. Like 'won't get caught decorating Tom and Ellen's car' black dresses. Do you guys feel up to completing our mission? We've been flagged by the security guards and can't even get out to the parking lot. Will you two finish the job we started?" Jess and I somberly agreed. This was serious business. Jim proceeded to tell us where he had stashed the toilet paper and that we needed to look for the silver Ford escape with Nevada plates.
As Jess and I innocently walked out to the parking lot, the security guards nary gave us a second glance... good! we're in!... As we reached the spot where the toilet paper was to be stashed, we realized that the loot had been confiscated. Gosh! These guards were good. So, Jess and I walked back inside to get more toilet paper from the bathroom. But, how do we explain why two girls would be walking back and forth from the party to parking lot? Easy, have your sister-in-law play a drunken party girl while you assist her to the bathroom. We had gotten another accomplice from the reception hall to give us a hand. To protect the innocent, we'll call her Janice. Janice agreed to stuff her dress with toilet paper to appear pregnant... with cylindrical shaped babies. The plan failed when a total stranger walked in on us in the bathroom and Janice delivered one of her litter prematurely. Holding toilet paper rolls under the husbands' suit jackets was the method of choice. As Janice and I escorted 'drunk' Jessica back out to the parking lot, the guards curiosity seemed to have been piqued. So what else were we to do? Yes. Yes we did, drive my car out of the parking lot, turn off the lights an re-park in the back of lot. We snuck, very ninja/stealth-like to the desired car and got busy. I am surprised the guards didn't catch us at this point, because the giggling had really gotten out of hand. I think Jess was taking the drunk thing very seriously and it was highly contagious. The car was sufficiently wrapped. 'sufficiently wrapped' meaning completely covered, it was not apparent a vehicle was even under the huge mass of toilet paper we managed to smuggle from the gorgeous bathroom. Just as we were congratulating ourselves on a job well done, I called Jim to make sure the guards didn't see us. This is how the conversation went:
Jim: Hello?
Steph: Hey. We're done... are the guards watching us?
Jim: Not that I can tell. It looks like the coast is clear.
Steph: I just wanted to make sure we did the job to your specifications. Silver Ford Escape completely unrecognizable, right?
Jim: Right.... wait a second
Steph: What? You sound confused.
Jim: Did you say silver Ford Escape?
Steph: yes....
Jim: It's the car next to the silver Ford Escape.
Steph: awwww... crap!
So we proceeded to clean off the Ford and TP the car next to it. As Jess, Janice and I were finishing up the second destructo-fest of the night, a roll of toilet paper rolled down the front of the car, underneath two more cars and right in the middle of the parking lot. In other words, nearly at the guards' feet. One of the guards became suspicious and started to patrol the parking lot. He caught sight and we ran. Janice and Jessica had managed to stash their toilet paper while I had got stuck with mine. The guard chased us. I am very positive he saw my toilet paper, but I was not stopping. As Jess, Janice and I re-entered the hall, I looked at Jimmy with panic that can only come from being chased down by a security guard, threw the roll at him and yelled, "Hide this!" Jimmy stashed the roll under the table and we narrowly escaped into the crowd. Us girls continued dancing like nothing had happened. we were triumphant!... until we cheered for the happy couple on their way out and realized that the guards had removed any trace that we had done anything to their car. Maybe we were drunk after all....

5 comments:

Stacey said...

Okay, that's a funny story!! I wish I was in your family! ;)

lmhiserman said...

I love that story. Bummer that you they got rid of all your hard work. I also loved that you did the wrong car. Too funny. I'm still laughing just thinking of you running from the guards.

SydneyHughes92 said...

I love it. LOVE it. :D

Jessica Bear said...

It was worth every minute.
p.s. I agree: the bathrooms were gorgeous.

Tara said...

I made the deadly mistake of swallowing down my daily vitamin stash while reading this story. Needless to say, I nearly had capsules lodged in my nostrils from laughing so hard. What a great story! It's too bad you didn't get to show off your handiwork but at least you had a fantastic time going ninja stealth. Kudos to Jim too for seeing your made-for-mischief dresses and taking some initiative!