At the top of the list

of things I HATE (yes, folks, that's capitalized)...

THE HOME DEPOT

Dude, it's not so much the actual store- although the concrete flooring and metal shelving sends me to the lighting fixture aisle for my daily fix of, "Ooohhhh... shiny..."- it's the terrible customer service.

Upon entering the hardware abyss, my mind goes into hyper drive to save me from self loathing for being so stupid as to not know where to find the FX2578394-T12 light bulb (true story). In all honesty, I should not be able to find the FX2578394-T12 light bulb, for the risk of not having a life. When said light bulb is finally found, without so much of a glimpse from an orange apron clad minion, one realizes that the product is on the top shelf of very large shelves (it's not like me to make understatements, but that last one was one a the century).

So what does one do? First, wait at the customer service counter for 17 minutes, receive no help or acknowledgement, go back to light bulb aisle, push over one of those ridiculous ladders and proceed to get two light bulbs down for yourself. Yes, twelve foot light bulbs. BY YOURSELF. Now that that part of the experience is over, let's move on to the self-checkout.

Can you imagine a woman with two twelve foot light bulbs, a five year old in tow and a fabulous handbag (read:huge), trying to administer a self-checkout to her purchase? It really doesn't help that the purchase is breakable. When the 'customer service' cashier comes to help me, it is in the form of pointing and laughing. Well, I am exaggerating- it was more of a muffled giggle. I suppose I can't argue, it must have been hysterical to watch me try and juggle a credit card whilst holding a light saber in each hand. With purchase almost completed, Kaitlin became temporary bagger. Her competence brought her to bag the remaining six customers following me with the same terrified look on their faces. She even got to the point of asking if they would prefer paper or plastic.

Have you ever tried to fit twelve foot light bulbs in your car? Until yesterday, me either. Let me just say this- it was quite a sight to behold... All was figured out. Self medicating came in the form of an In-N-Out milkshake. I'm an expert at wielding the straw... my training rivals that of an orange aproned ivy league.