In Honor of Baxter & Kenai

Since we have adopted two dogs one year ago, today- we have decided to do some renovations. Here are the easy to follow directions for all the work we have done to the house.

Faux feels-like-broken-glass-when-you-step-on-it-barefoot finish:
This beautiful and unique finish is accomplished by leaving two unsupervised dogs at home for the first time. The tools required are very simple. Just leave an unopened FedEx box by the front door. The key to a great sharp result is to have a water activated glue inside the FedEx box. Make sure one of the two dogs you have left alone can chew through cardboard, wood and high performance plastic. The rest is easy- be certain that the dogs will chew on the heavy duty bottle of glue over the carpet and use their saliva to activate the foaming glue. To give the faux finish extra oomph, leave to let dry at least two hours. For the polka dot effect, repeat as necessary.

New, top of the line, doggy door-

  1. Make sure dogs are extremely excited (to the point of jumping and barking uncontrollably) to go outdoors.
  2. Train them to wait until you say a code word to go outside ('Okay!' works just fine)
  3. Open the sliding glass door and prepare for a stampede. The important part of this step is to MAKE SURE you leave the screen door closed unknowingly.
  4. Use your code word to release the hounds.
  5. Watch as they easily tear through the flimsy screen door.
  6. Each time you forget to open the screen door, your new, top of the line, doggy door will do the trick. (Be careful when letting the larger of the two dogs outside, it may result in the posterior end getting stuck)
    Appliqued Hard Wood Floors
Just as with the faux finish for the carpets, this project requires unattended canines. Leave two dogs in an environment with beautiful hard wood floors and a trash can filled to the brim with discarded raw chicken containers. This method only works if you have neglected to return trash can to it's proper place- UNDER THE SINK.
Happy Renovating!

1 comment:

april kennedy said...

so maybe my dog peeing on the carpet isn't quite as big of problem as I thought! BUT it is requiring renovations because of the odor....all hardwood!

And P.S. be glad your daughter is out of the dirty diaper age...that is an absolutely stinky nightmare to have to clean up...not only on the carpets but also the dog's little what used to be white mouth! Uuughh...dry heave...dry heave...dry heave!