Judging by my physique,

I've never been sent to bed without dinner. For the first time in my history of child rearing, I have sent my child to bed without dinner. This is not the worst mistake I have made as a parent.

To top that list is reading my darling daughter the book, "Green Eggs and Ham".

EVERY SINGLE MORNING our conversation goes something like this:
M: Sweetie, I picked out a dress for you to wear today.
K: Yay! I just adore wearing dresses!
M: It's a super cute black belted dress. Don't you love it?
K: I hate black.
M: But, it's cute...
K: I expressly told you I only like the colors- pink, purple, yellow (because it's Pres. Monson's favorite color), white, red and green.
M: Look at the belt! And with a pink undershirt and black leggings and ballet flats and your hair in a side bun with a flower... I just think it completes the outfit...
K: I will not wear it here or there,
I will not wear it anywhere!
Not with a goat, not in a boat!
I do not like it Sam-I-am!
M: Oh, gosh...

That little girl does really have the word expressly in her vocabulary. I came up with a brilliant idea when she started to talk. Don't baby talk her. Use adult words. Her vocabulary will be superb. I am sincerely paying for that choice. I now hate the words: meanwhile, nevertheless, inappropriate and any other word over two syllables-

I boycott all big kid words.

I will not use them here or there!

I will not use them anywhere!

I do not like them Sam-I-am!

USU at SJSU

My parents (Mamma Bear) works for the football coaches at Utah State. She gets to attend one out of town game a year. We are so lucky that she chooses the game at San Jose State. This means a whole lotta spoilin' goin' on from the g-diddies. (Did you see I used my required ebonics word of the day? Are you proud?) When they flew into San Jose, we met them for dinner.

We decided on a very close Mexican restaurant called, Pedro’s. Ladies and Gentlemen, Pedro knows how to cook him some good Mexican eats! I love Pedro. Fantastic food. Will work for his food.
My dad just loves to be goofy, especially when pumped full of pain meds for his sore back. The waitress came and asked us how our day was, "good n’you?" She replied with a, "It’s my best day!" in a very heavy accent. ‘Best’ could easily be mistaken for ‘birth’ when spoken with a thick accent. So, Daddy-O breaks into song. Eventually the whole restaurant attendees around us join in. FAB-U-LOUS. I think this story would be more fun with a little background about good ol’ dad.
My father loves movies. Chick flicks, check! Outrageous spoofs, check! Indiscriminate property damage, check! One of his favorites when I was in high school was, ‘My best friend’s wedding’. After seeing that movie, ANY TIME we would go to a restaurant, he would get a literal glint in his eye, lean forward and start very quietly, "From the moment I wake up…. before I put on my makeup…" Everyone else at the table would sing "I say a little prayer for you!" Yes, we did do this quite often. Extremely often.
I wouldn’t have sung with him, but for these reasons, my voice was heard:

1.) I am just as much a quirky duck as he is.
2.) I love it when people stare at me.
3.) He was paying.

The only thing I regret about these singing moments is that I didn’t ever bring the lobster claw gloves and wave them in the air while we sang…

P.S. At sports games, do they have to announce "Team A- 30 points, Team B-NOTHING!"? Why can't the announcer just say, "Team A- 30 points, Team B- Has potential..."?
Just a thought.

Now the pressure's on

Now that the blog-a-thon is over I can tell you all about the vacation our family returned from 24 hours before the ‘thoning started. We came home early so I could, uh, well- my priorities have never been in conjunction with reality… that’s why I’m so fun (and a little flaky) but I digress…

Here are the pictures from the weekend we spent at the beach house. So fun! My parents came from out of town and we all got to hang, west coast style.

When I informed Kaitlin of our upcoming awesome vacation, like the dutiful jet setter she is (she has her very own matching luggage), Kaitlin promptly packed her most important possessions. Flashback to Spaceballs: "Take only what you need to survive!" "It's my industrial strength hair dryer- AND I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!!"

This snapshot was taken before the sunburn, look how optimistically pale we are... (gotta love the aviators, I looked for them for 2 years!)

Corn mazes are pretty cool, until the ears of corn start talking to you and tell you, "just one more step... it's right around the corner... keep going... you'll get out of here... I promise..."

My wonderful, amazing, supportive and super duper awesome family and some guy I don't know. He even has a matching shirt. I would love to tell you stories of matching shirts... let's save that for another post. I only talk about childhood therapy issues when I'm feeling strong. (Now that we're sharing feelings... I actually do know everyone in the picture. That comment was *sniff* just my way of *sniff* trying to feel *sniff* funny and accepted *ker-honk*)

Jimmy said he was going to the bathroom, has anyone seen him? Oh dear, why is that pumpkin leaking?

I love this picture. I have no funny jab or silly remark. I just think it's so real and sooo sweet. Kaitlin loves her Grandma.

Let's commence with the commentary... do you think I used too many 'comm' words in that last sentence? hmmm, anyway- HAD to get a picture of the cool hair I did. You know, I did that with my eyes closed? and with one arm tied be- no! one arm totally cut off my body!! and a twitch in my right knee, which, you know, is the dominant one for me. I am so freakin' awesome!

Loved the hay throwing+the cool hair+the screaming child while I pulled out 1 piece of hay at a time. Good times.
The pumpkin patch required that I carry my child out in the newest and safest stroller. Top of the line, or so they say...

The Pacific ocean and Kaitlin face off.

What you don't see in this picture: the ocean won.

What you do see in this picture: the ocean defeated, dude.

Dear Tyra,

I think you should really consider changing the age restrictions on your reality show. I think I have your next Top Model. Love, Stephanie

***

Dear Stephanie, (in a very somber tone, yet smiling with the eyes)

You're weird. You will not be continuing on your journey to become America's Next Top Model. Love, Tyra

Blog-a-thon!

If you are a closet UB40 fan and use Ebonics at least once in your daily vernacular, you are my Sistah.
If you are in need of ego padding by way of comments, you are my Sits-tah.

There is a Ri-freakin'-diculous-ly awesome blog to connect to other SITS-TAHS! (By the way, I can spell... the SITS stands for Secret's In The Sauce)


Check it out! I am fairly new to the site, but love it still the same. I have found some seriously great gals through SITS.


First up, ladies and gentlemen... (drumroll, please... No, louder than that)

4 Kennedys and a Dog- I find this fabulous lady wearing designer jeans and a covet worthy bag... always. She is a starlett if there ever was one!

Next in the blog fabfest is... (you don't need a drumroll for the next four, it's a little redundant, don't cha think?)

Maternal Mirth- She had me at 'the Casa de Luna-c'. 'Nuff said.

Third... (rhymes with uhhh.... lotsa stuff I don't want to type because this slick chick is nothing of the sort and I don't want you to make associations with her and any words of the type- so, get your mind out of the gutter, unless you though that third rhymes with 'superb' or something quite nice)

Pennies in My Pocket- Love all the special days... she makes me feel warm inside, like a rainbow in the soul.

Fourth... (my favorite grade in elementary school. Miss Ballinger was uh-maze-in')

Stacey- The quirks post she has is an exact replica of mine... I think I found someone that is just so incredibly cool that I just have to love her pure grooviness.

And Fifth... (you know the old saying, 'last but not least' yeah, same goes here.)

Afros- Anyone that uses the word 'seriously' in italics is good on my list. Love, love, love her!

I have learned to love in a whole new way, all because of the sheer genius of Tiffany & Heather and their brilliant idea. Check out SITS!

New member of the family

Giuseppe (our little gangster car) has adopted an Italian mother. She cooks pasta for him and continues to fill his plate even when the little guy insists he's not hungry. We welcome Estelle to the family! Here are some little known facts about the mama:

• Came with Bengay and Calgon scent at no extra charge


• Equipped with a trunk large enough to stash a body (She's Sicilian)


• Still has original license plate frame-Go Bears!


• She's cheery teal in color


• I'm pretty sure we found an ad for The Scooter Store wedged in between the seats


• She recently bought a winter home in Florida

We love Estelle and all her quirkiness.

P.S. this post was inspired by a comment... you know who you are, your majesty. Heehee:)

Here comes the bride...

Congratulations Melissa & Matt!

My sister-in-law, Melissa has gotten engaged! I love talking wedding colors, centerpieces, dresses, shoes, FOOD, invitations and all the other great stuff that comes along with weddings. I am truly happy for darling Melissa.

Famed Paleontologist Invites Colleagues to a Dig

Accomplished and beautiful paleontologist, Dr. Kaitlin Graham of Napa Valley Christian University, has made a discovery of the century. Dr. Graham has unearthed, what seems to be, an ancient dinosaur playground. Found on site were fossilized dinosaur bones, preserved dinosaur eggs and other pieces of evidence pointing to an existence other than human life. As a brilliant and well-know paleontologist, Dr. Graham has a multitude of equally distinguished associates. All aforementioned associates will be asked to accompany Dr. Graham to continue her work at the digging site, located at 2951 Main Street. Exhumation for this project will commence on Saturday, October, 18th at 10:30 am. Regarding the sensitivity and high security of said site, body guards will escort the summoned paleontologists and return after dig is completed. Their work is expected to take 3 hours. The public should anticipate great and unusual things to come forth from this prodigious effort. A complete list of the paleontologists was not available for publishing at this time, but should be made so by Monday, October 13th. Should readers have any questions regarding this article, please feel free to call editor-in-chief, Stephanie Graham @ 555-8783

How's that for a birthday invitation?

Was Driver's Ed a requirement?

On Friday, I was late dropping Kaitlin off for school, so when I got there, only two or three cars occupied parking spots. As I was walking Kaitlin into the building, I heard a huge crunch followed by loud honking. It turns out that one of the few cars parked was attempting to exit through the lamp post. Yes, the woman backed up and drove forward into the post. Maybe it wasn't so much the accident that made me laugh, but the persistent honking afterwards. "Move! You stupid lamp post! I was here first!"

Our internet-

S-T-I-N-K-S!!!

I have been wanting to get online to post funny and inspiring stories, but as previously stated, our internet bites like no other. A few days ago, I was reading a great blog, talking to a friend and cooking dinner... I like to multitask... when all of a sudden, just like the late '90's on AOL, I got booted off the internet! Has this happened to you since the "you've got mail" era? Me neither! I can't believe I was kicked off the world wide web! I have proven my worthiness through countless awesome posts and some not so great posts (to keep me humble), why now? I don't know. However, it has been entertaining seeing Jimmy climb up on the roof with various garden tools trying to fix the satellite receiving our signal. Plus, we've gone on family walks because mommy isn't checking everyone else's blogs for a new post. In fact, on one such walk, we took the dogs up the road for a couple of miles. It was fun until Kaitlin fell on some gravel and Jimmy tried to pick some aloe from the side of the road to heal our ailing daughter. Aloe is a pretty tough plant and tends to want to stay put in the ground when one pulls on it. Hence, the cuts on my husband's hands from the 'healing' aloe plant. Yeah... good times. Any event resulting in a rake wielding man on the roof, exercise for me and a couple of injuries, is definitely post worthy.

From my husband's point of view:

If an object has been in the same place for 24 hours- it has diasappeared.
If an object is behind another larger object, it has also disappeared.

One thought from wife:
It's behind the milk.

I heart Regina Spektor

I also love this one by Lenka

Never pay sticker price

I refuse to defile my car with bumper stickers. When I am toting an issue (like Prop 8- vote YES!) I tape the sticker on the inside of the car window, so that when elections are over, I can just take it down. I just think bumper stickers are a little tacky- sorry if you're a friend of mine who has a bumper sticker. I do like the ones that are nondecript and simple, though. Like, I'm okay with the Tinkerbell ones that are small and just an outline of her in one color. I guess I just like it if the sticker looks more like a decal that could've come with the car. Please, do not get me started on the honor student bumper sticker... Anyway, I am not a total jerk- I do like reading other people's stickers and giggling. I saw one yesterday that said, "Jesus loves you, but I'm His favorite."

Some other funny sayings I've seen:

"TAKE REVENGE: Crap on a pigeon"

"Fat people are harder to kidnap"

"Don't tailgate me or I'll flick a booger on your windshield!"

"I BRAKE FOR... Oh crap, No Brakes!!!"

"REPUBLICANS vote Tuesday. DEMOCRATS vote Wednesday"

Yes, yes- oh, so funny. I would not, however want to broadcast any of that to the world.

With my cat-like speed and reflexes!

Growing up with all brothers, I found the many cat experiments they did to be amusing. You know the ones: cat with tape on the feet, cat wrapped in aluminum foil and cat with cut whiskers. (I said 'amusing'- not 'nice') When you stick tape to a cat's feet, they walk around trying to shake the tape off their paws, creating a 'dancing' effect. When one wraps a cat in foil, their back legs simply stop working and the cat lays down. Cats use their whiskers as balance and judgement. A cat's whiskers are as wide as it's body, so as to know what tight spaces they can fit through, and such. Well, I am sure you can imagine how much fun three evil little boys would have watching a cat run into walls, jumping for a tree branch just to completely miss and getting stuck between the washing machine and the wall.

I am a skinny person stuck inside a very sexy voluptuous body- I've got curves that make Lombard Street green with envy. I am essentially a cat with cut whiskers. I run into things all the time. Bruises populate a body that runs into walls and trips over folds in the rug. I have seen a space and thought, "why, I can fit through that tight space between the washer and the wall- no problem!" Flash forward to Jimmy pulling me out of the laundry room with brute force.

Just yesterday, I had an experience with my short, very attractive whiskers and just tipped over in the middle of the sidewalk. I was standing upright in one moment and laying flat on my back in the next. It was, I am sure, a sight to behold. Luckily, no scrapes or lacerations- I did get one bruise, though- on my thriving and overly exhibited ego.

Pucker Up!

Kaitlin has always loved boys...gee, I wonder where she got that from?? When she was a baby, she would turn on that smile for any boy that walked by. I have caught that little girl pouring over magazines and kissing the pictures of cute boys. She has already decided to marry our neighbor, Matthew (who's 14!), Simon from Spiderwick Chronicles, Edmond from The Chronicles of Narnia and now... Zachary from school. Well, at least she's going for boys more her age. Today, Kaitlin told me the story of what went down in the playground.

K: Mommy, Zachary kissed me.

M: Really? then what happened?

K: I said, "Hold on! Wait a minute! Kissing is not allowed at school, teacher says." But Mom, then I said, "But I still love you, Zachary."

M: Well, that's good. Kaitlin, you should really wait before you start kissing boys.

K: Mother, I love him!

Since when did I trade in my little girl for a teenager? Oh gosh, I am in trouble....

Regarding Jane

I was just thinking of this experience today and I wanted to share it.

I attend an annual camp for the teenage girls of our church as a leader. I love going because it's like my vacation from worldly cares. I also like acting like a complete fool. Well, this Summer, as I as preparing to leave for camp, I had a strong feeling to bring my mother-in-law's car. I brushed the feeling aside and asked for a ride to camp with another leader that would also be attending camp. On the morning of departure, I headed to my in-laws' house to pick up my sister-in-law. We would be driving together to meet our ride on the next leg of our journey. As I walked in to pick up Michelle, my mom-in-law told me that she felt I needed to take her car. I was very surprised because I had not told anyone about my prior feelings. I went in the bathroom to pray about it. I got affirmation that I needed to take her car to camp. When Michelle and I arrived at the meeting place, I caused quite a stir in the plans already set for drivers and passengers and such. Some people were upset with this last minute change of plans, but all was settled- I drove to camp. I had a great week. Everything was fun. The car stayed parked all week. There was no apparent reason why I would need the car that week. I had deduced that maybe I would've been involved in an accident or something cosmic... I don't know. The last day in camp was wonderful. One girls had wandered into the leader yurt (kinda like a modern day tee pee) just to talk. This is my favorite part of being a leader. I just love it when they come in and talk. I love to get to know the girls. This girl, I'll call her Jane, had visited camp previous years as a friend of another camper. Jane is not a member of the LDS faith. She loves camp and has a great attitude while she's there. I love Jane. We have a very special relationship. Every time we talk, it's always so philosophical. I am constantly refreshed with her perspective on things. We are always so deep in conversation that other people tend to get bored around us. It seems that she opens up a part of my brain that is dusty and gets out her feather duster to wipe off all the thoughts that are only pulled out for her. She's brilliant and wise beyond her years. Anyway, when Jane came in to talk to me, we got on all the taboo subjects that are only normal for us to talk about. Abortion, gay marriage, politics, religion. The reason why we can talk about these things is because of the level of respect we share for one another. Sometimes we agree and sometimes we agree to disagree. Either way, there is never animosity. as we got on the subject of religion I had mentioned how amazing the Book of Mormon is to me. Jane asked why. I explained that it is a history of the people in Central America. Because she is planning on being a history professor, she was intrigued by this. Jane had always thought Joseph Smith wrote the book. We talked about the translation process and the hardships Joseph fought to bring the translation to pass. At this point, another leader came into the yurt, who just happened to be a gospel doctrine teacher. We ended up sharing the stories of the Book of Mormon with Jane up until the point when Lehi's family sails to the Americas. Jane was fascinated and asked,"Where can I get one of those books?" We promised to get her one as soon as possible. I have numerous blue Books of Mormon at home, just waiting to go out into the world, but why would anyone bring a Book of Mormon for giveaway at a church camp? The other leader and I searched the camp high and low all night for a spare book, but to no avail. Jane would eagerly approach almost every hour asking if we had found one yet. I felt like I was failing her. Why present such a glorious thing and not follow through? I went to be that night with a prayer in my heart to help Jane. The next morning, all campers rose early to pack up and go home. All the tents were down and cars filled to the brim. As I got in my mother-in-law's car, I pulled out the map from in between the seats. Under the map was a new hard cover Book of Mormon. I was astonished to see it seemingly smiling up at me. I grabbed the book and wrote a message in the cover. The other leader did the same. As everyone was getting ready to load the buses, I found Jane and sat down to talk to her. As I pulled out the Book of Mormon, she started laughing and was so excited that I had finally found one just for her. Jane was most excited by the foot notes because it was 'just like a history book', she said. I am so grateful that I was able to share this precious book with Jane. I am grateful that I followed the promptings to bring my mother-in-law's car to camp. I just wish I was a little more in tune so I could have just brought the book and not a whole car! Either way, I am so happy that I was able to share some history with my dear friend Jane.

Buyer's remorse...

...or lack thereof. I'm catering a wedding this weekend. All the shopping is done. Yesterday, I drove around two counties like a mad woman buying everything needed for the event. This morning, our household received an ominous call from a very serious sounding man.
"Stephanie Graham?"
"Yes?" I reply trying to hide my shaky voice.
"Have you been shopping quite a bit lately?"
What?!! "Did Jimmy put you up to this?" I swear, he promised he wouldn't be jealous of Venus and Serena... it's not like they slept on his side of the bed...
The serious man interrupts my thoughts, "Ma'am?" Since when am I old enough to be called ma'am? "Ma'am?"
"Oh, sorry! Yes, sir?"
"Stephanie Graham, have you been shopping at Costco, Smart & Final, Safeway, Chevron, Trader Joe's, Ross and Nob Hill in the past 24 hours?"
"Uhhh... yeah..."
"All in one day?"
"Uhhh... yeah..."
"You're amazing!" (He didn't really say that, but I'd like to think that I am amazing.)
He actually said, "Thank you for your time, ma'am. Have a nice day."
Not fair! Not fair! Not fair!- I have a mysterious man calling me about my strange purchases and he calls me ma'am, the purchases are at grocery stores and a gas station and he doesn't even mention how spectacular I am! Customer service in this day and age are seriously going down the drain.

Helloooo ladies...

I will post again with the details of the 'Time Out for Women' conference that I attended this weekend. But, for now, I thought I would show you the reason why I was born in these last days (and I thought it was because of epidurals...)

These are the new shoes I bought at Nordstrom's. Above is a picture of the girls. I have named them Venus and Serena. Venus, because the Goddess of Love. Serena, because the famous tennis player, Venus, has a sister named Serena.

Venus=Goddess of Love

Serena= Temptress of the Night

How can you go wrong with five inch, snake skin, spike heels?? (other than falling down a flight of stairs from an abnormal height... the things we do for high fashion) I shall sleep with the girls tonight- I already ironed clothes in them, it's time to take our relationship to the next level.

Happy Birthday Kaitlin!

Kaitlin took this picture all by herself!!!

Kaitlin turns 5 years old today! I can't believe she's no longer a toddler. I now have a kid! I have countless memories of my little girl. Here are a few that make me smile:

• Sometimes I would walk into Kaitlin's room and a mural on the wall using the contents of her diaper as the medium. Needless to say, she stopped taking naps after that.


• Kaitlin would empty out her drawers and hide her clothes in corners all over the house for safe keeping.


• At the local jump house she ran away and locked herself in an office. She couldn't get out because the key was inside with her. The owners had to disassemble the door to get her out.


• Kaitlin got her head stuck in between the railings at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Because of Kaitlin, they had to rebuild their entire banister.


• The first week we lived up in the hills, she visited the neighbors that live 3/4 mile away. We couldn't find her anywhere! The neighbors called- can you imagine my embarassment?


• The neighbors from previous story came home one day to Kaitlin in their living room. Yes, she invited herself into their house when they weren't home and welcomed them home. Embarassed by that one too.


• I caught Kaitlin dipping a cup into the toilet to quench her thirst.

I have so many wonderful and sweet memories of my little girl. She's got a great sense of humor and great taste in music. She would rather read than watch a movie. I just love being around Kaitlin. I am so grateful that I am able to be her mother. She teaches me so much.

I love you Kaitlin, Happy 5th Birthday!!!!

First day of Preschool!

My beautiful girl is at preschool today... she's growing up so fast, I feel like she'll be married tomorrow!

Against my will (and the dogs' by the looks of it) Kaitlin insisted on a 'first day of school' picture with the dogs. We are not contesting who's in charge in this household...

Break out the sparkling cider!

I finished Breaking Dawn in less than 14 hours!!! I have a few issues... but I don't want to mention anything that would spoil the book... call me, we'll talk! It was my favorite book of the saga. I am a sucker for the endings. The Last Battle was my favorite book from the Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter's seventh year was the best and so on and so forth. I'm still on a last book high.... aaahhhhh!!!!!